9 times out of 10 if I could ask a dog why they are misbehaving, their answer might surprise you. And sometimes even hurt your heart.
Dogs aren’t acting up because they are bad. Nearly all the dogs I meet aren’t dominant, spiteful, or feel they are in charge. What I see is dogs who are struggling and need help. Because emotions are hard and learning how to navigate them is a challenge (even for us bigger brained humans)!
This is why at the start of any training here at Tug Dogs I ask the most important question in getting a dog to behave better:
➡️ why ⬅️
If I don’t understand why a dog is behaving the way they are, how can I effectively get them to change? Without the why question answered, I’d be resigned to just telling a dog what to do (or what not to do). Blindly issuing commands like sit, stay, down, and no…as if what they are thinking, feeling and experiencing is totally irrelevant. It’s really quite a short sighted approach.
Because these days we know that emotions affect the body in physical ways. Trying to suppress an animal’s response to a big emotion, in the moment they are having it, by instructing them to follow a command is often trying to fight against their biology. We know stress often activates fight or flight responses. We have learned that stress shuts down learning and prioritizes focusing on the stressor. These are mechanisms built into mammalian physiology that are beautifully designed to keep us alive.
Is getting a dog to perform an obedience command for us when they feel overly stressed really the smart approach? Does it build trust and resiliency? Or is it like me seeing you being chased by a grizzly bear and running up alongside you, demanding that now is the time I’m going to teach you French? You would rightly ignore me and not trust me to be in charge of your future safety!
When we ask why, we get to discover the root emotion that is causing a dog to misbehave and then design a treatment plan that meets them where they are at and works with their biology instead of against it. Whether they are anxious, don’t have good coping skills for frustration, struggle to get into calm brain, or are overly protective, there is always a feeling that’s at the root of the problem. And addressing that feeling is where the magic happens! This approach makes dogs both happier and better behaved. Win super win!!
But the benefits of asking why don’t stop there. Asking why not only gets us to focus on the most important part of our dog’s bodies, their brain, it also prevents us from treading into the dangerous waters of cooperation overload.
Lassie was just a doggy actor. Despite what we see in mainstream media, dogs are not born endlessly desiring to serve us. They are autonomous beings with their own wants and needs. And when we try to exert too much control over them, their behavior and mental health can actually suffer.
Take a moment to think about the best boss you’ve ever had. What qualities did they have? How did they get the best out of you? How did you feel working for them? Whenever I have posed this question to others, I have never had a single person tell me their best boss was a heavy micromanager who paid them poorly. I’m confident dogs would say the same.
So what kind of boss do you want to be to your dog? The reality is there is a healthy level of guidance and instruction we can provide (paired with motivation) to get the best out of our dogs. But if we ask too much, too often, or when it’s too challenging for dogs to comply, we teach our dogs that it feels icky to cooperate with us. And they’ll do the dog version of hiding under the desk when the micromanaging boss comes by. Or worse, they won’t seek guidance from us when they really need it.
By asking why a dog is acting the way they are, we better understand our dogs. And that understanding can allow us to pause from feeling stressed, embarrassed or overwhelmed by our dog. And that moment of consideration is the space in which the deepest level of empathy and care for your pup can emerge. Because you are going beyond what you want to looking at their behavior as a sign they need help. When you see their behavior in that light, it’s so much easier to offer support rather than demand control.
So if you are having an issue with your dog’s behavior, stop and consider the why question. Common why questions to think about:
➡️ Are their needs met? (This includes the need for exercise, novelty, social interaction, and breed specific, instinctual behavior).
➡️ Could they have any health issues going on?
➡️ Have they experienced trauma?
➡️ Did they get rewarded for rude behavior because it’s cute or easier just to give in?
➡️ Are they simply a being who finds it more challenging to process their big feelings of fear or frustration?
Why can lead you on a critical path to a better life for you and your dog. And if you’re struggling to answer the why question or what steps to take once you have, we can help.
Visit the Tug Dogs website to schedule a free consultation where I’ll carefully examine the why’s and then review the how’s of changing your dog’s behavior for the better.
-Erin Kramer UW-AAB
Tug Dogs Owner
www.tugdogs.com